 
					
							genericmanca
							Member Since October 22, 2011
						
													
											
	
	
	
		a day in the park
	
	
		by 
					 Trentoncook3
	
	
		 5197 days ago
				Trentoncook3
	
	
		 5197 days ago
	
	
		
			
									 genericmanca
			
			
				 5123 days ago
								genericmanca
			
			
				 5123 days ago
			
		
		
 Trentoncook3
	
	
		 5197 days ago
				Trentoncook3
	
	
		 5197 days ago
	
	 genericmanca
			
			
				 5123 days ago
								genericmanca
			
			
				 5123 days ago
			
		
													  
						-  
						0 
						 + 
					
										
				This is just one long run on sentence.  I would suggest that you not write anything else until you have learned some basic grammar.  The poor grammar detracts from what has the potential to be an interesting story.  I agree with Morgen and reaney.
				
		
	
	
	
	
		A Daughter Steps In
	
	
	
	
		
			
			
		
		
											
												
										
				Apart from a few minor grammatical/spelling errors, this is an excellent story.  It flows smoothly and logically.  Well done!
				
		
	