goofy
Member Since October 19, 2009
Three of My Sister’s Horny Friends. Part 1 - Amia
by
DesertWriter
4858 days ago
goofy
4857 days ago
DesertWriter
4858 days ago
goofy
4857 days ago
-
1
+
great story! MOAR!
Mind Powers rock intro
by
Boner534
Boner534
Well since it is your first story I won't nitpick, But the two suggestions I must give, try to break it up into some paragraphs, I know I can make a very long paragraph that is still structurally correct, but then I will usually try to break it up anyways as it makes keeping your spot easier when reading.
Second thing is, please try to not beg for votes (and while you could technically say that the 8 votes thing wasn't begging, it does fall in the same area of what I am talking about).
That said, this is an interesting start and I look forward to part 1.
Second thing is, please try to not beg for votes (and while you could technically say that the 8 votes thing wasn't begging, it does fall in the same area of what I am talking about).
That said, this is an interesting start and I look forward to part 1.
Only for you, My Brother
by
SueBrasil
SueBrasil
Great story, but for future reference; question marks do not make suitable replacements for all other symbols (brain fart on proper name) *Quotation marks, periods, commas, etc.*.
My Boner Stops Time - Part 4
by
JeffreyFreemont
JeffreyFreemont
I would like to say I see an improvement in your writing since you started MB makes me invisible.
All I want for Christmas
by
goofy
goofy
Thank you everyone for all the positive responses. I have another story in my head. However I am a slow writer. (ADD + ... something else, I guess mini writer's block) I will try to have it out before Christmas, and hope it is also well received.
The South Marlin Circle Bondage Club Chapter 30
by
anonymous
anonymous
Gah after 40 pages of voting down ads I accidentally voted this one down. Sorry. *I think another of your stories happened to be the one I voted down accidentally while ad bashing in a trance.
Helping younger brother part 2
by
anonymous
anonymous
Yes continue.
My only complaint (which is more like a pet peeve, so feel free to ignore it), is that they are so close to getting caught, yet still yelling and screaming things that make it obvious what they are doing, yet don't get caught. (once again this is a pet peeve and it seems like i've been running into it alot recently, so, sorry for taking it out on you, it was still an excellent story).
My only complaint (which is more like a pet peeve, so feel free to ignore it), is that they are so close to getting caught, yet still yelling and screaming things that make it obvious what they are doing, yet don't get caught. (once again this is a pet peeve and it seems like i've been running into it alot recently, so, sorry for taking it out on you, it was still an excellent story).
The James Family Pt. 2: A Reluctant Cristina
by
bball711
bball711
I will be honest, I was a bit weary of it being a domination story, however you did pull it off without turning the main guy into some "gangsta pimp" or something, which is the main reason I tend to not like alot of the interracial stories. That said, I would like to see the mother dominated (or simply continue the story).
Daddy's Naughty Daughters
by
atoydon1
atoydon1
dunno what he meant by too many words, it was very well done. keep writing.
It shouldn't have happened but it did
by
klm0559
klm0559
Since (s)he gave advice on the story, I will give advice on the structure... Paragraphs, use them.
Seek the wolf in thyself
by
Wolfegard
Wolfegard
It was good, however the end seemed rushed like you grew tired of writing it and wanted to finish. However this could have just been an introduction, if so I can't wait for more.
getting fucked at night
by
watchout
watchout
"more to come on this story."
i honestly hope not until you learn how to add detail to the story, and even more use (at least) close to correct grammar and spelling. i felt like mike tyson as i was readin this story... just blabbin on and on not exac
i honestly hope not until you learn how to add detail to the story, and even more use (at least) close to correct grammar and spelling. i felt like mike tyson as i was readin this story... just blabbin on and on not exac
Amy part 1
by
Horny Gal
Horny Gal
i love this story, but thats mainly because it sounds almost exactly like someone i know... amy, has sister 1 year younger, lives kind of close to the beach (not walking distance though), 17, lives in quiet neighborhood, lives somewhat close to a traffic
Strange questions
by
Devilstale
Devilstale
the story has a good main plot... bro sis sex, how it happens, and whatnot.
but there are not enough details, you started going too fast once you started the conversation in the bathroom it seems to me. and you had some weird ass typos... lol. i woul
but there are not enough details, you started going too fast once you started the conversation in the bathroom it seems to me. and you had some weird ass typos... lol. i woul
hockey game romance
by
magnumpi
magnumpi
pretty good, but there are some spelling and grammatical errors...
most of the spelling is typos (accidently hit n key instead of m)
but im waiting for part 2
most of the spelling is typos (accidently hit n key instead of m)
but im waiting for part 2
Shona and Friend. Part 4 - Saturday
by
theBlackDouglas
theBlackDouglas
Definitely one of the best stories around here! Keep going!
Teen fantasies pt. 1
by
andy_123
andy_123
a tad bit of spelling problems (nothing major that i noticed, actually i think it was only the "bye her ice cream" ... its buy.) other than that quite good, could use a little bit more detail, or maybe move a bit slower along... but i am waiting for part
One Special Night
by
bob7525
bob7525
you ended kind of abruptly, actually the whole last part seemed to speed up more and more. but this is definantly good for a second go.
good job.
good job.
My older sister Bella part2
by
_Callisto_
_Callisto_
I did like it, and was kind of hoping she would get some kind of revenge this time, but the only problem was that it seemed to end abruptly.
And yes, I did right away remember the first story.
And yes, I did right away remember the first story.
Brie's Story pt. 2
by
Fantasy kiss
Fantasy kiss
all i really want to really say is.
“Oh, I don’t know. I still feel like yelling at her about how stupid she is. Brianna, you are stupid!â€
that is a note worthy comment.. i love it!
“Oh, I don’t know. I still feel like yelling at her about how stupid she is. Brianna, you are stupid!â€
that is a note worthy comment.. i love it!