Irdanwen
Member Since October 19, 2009
Finally fucking my stepmom
by
bileegs26
5383 days ago
Irdanwen
5855 days ago
bileegs26
5383 days ago
Irdanwen
5855 days ago
-
4
+
Good job. Good angle, good approach, great build up and climax. Write some more if you ever feel like it.
A fun night after school with Rebecca and Libby
by
Scrypt
Scrypt
Thanks for a good read, make it longer and take a little more time to highlight every separate stage of the story. You're on the right track. Good job.
My Mother( MY $100 WHORE) PT. 3
by
gharper
gharper
You had a good idea going, try expanding the others after the first one. Tell us more in detail how each character enters the story and what happens with them. Leave about half of them out, or write separate stories for each character. Don't rush, take yo
My Mother( MY $100 WHORE) PT. 3
by
gharper
gharper
Your story's ok, if you correct the tenses of the verb to begin, it will be even better.
She began to do something; something has begun
She began to do something; something has begun
My New Neighbor
by
hrny_in_tx
hrny_in_tx
Your story is fine, but unfinished. You could spice it up a little, and add the sexy bits. It's a careful balance between providing enough details to introduce the story and waiting too long to get to the core of it.